Do Weird Sh!t: A Unified Theory of Wellbeing
***I guess this is the closest thing to a manifesto I've ever written. There is some adult language in here but you probably already knew that. Enjoy!***
After 10+ years of working in the mental health industry, I’ve boiled everything I’ve learned into one simple principle, sort of a unified theory of wellbeing:
Do weird shit.
Stop being normal. Normal people are bored and stuck and burnt out. You’re on a rock flying through space at a gillion miles an hour…you’re just gonna go to work and then watch TV everyday?
Do. Weird. Shit.
Buy a motorcycle. Buy one with a sidecar and pick me up. Let’s drive out to the mountains or the desert or the ocean. Go to the butcher and get a hunk of meat and braise it like your life depends on it. It does. Learn to juggle or swallow swords. The rules are bullshit. You get to make them up. Go to work, be an adult, fulfill your responsibilities, do what you gotta do…but then do weird shit.
Write a poem. Write a song. Make it dark or make it funny. Draw a picture. Draw a comic. Draw 18 ducks in 18 different styles. Whatever. Just do it. And make it weird.
Impulsivity gets a bad rap. Be impulsive. I’d take impulsive life-building over calculated self-destruction any day. Be an Explorer. Be a Wanderer. Be a Seeker. Throw your life against the wall and see what sticks. Not all of it will. In fact most of it won’t. That’s ok. What’s important is the unfolding. What’s important is the shattering of what you think is impossible for yourself.
Do weird shit. Learn to dance. Two-step is a must but the more obscure the better. Mixing and matching is better still. Polka to techno. Pair an Irish jig with a 1990.
Heck, learn that you don’t have to learn to dance to dance.
“Isn’t this all just a distraction?”
A distraction from what? Boredom? Burnout? Gray-dullness? Totally. Problems? Reality? Feelings? Not hardly. Weirdos are creative problem solvers, they feel more than most, and they are more engaged with the world. Feel your feelings. Process them. Don’t avoid them. Transform them. But wallowing in your pain is not your life. Anything that takes you away from that is not a distraction. It’s a dot connecting you to whatever is next.
Do weird shit. Study snakes and spiders. Get a 6ft-long iguana. Name him something weird like “Dave.” Not that Dave is a weird name. I have friends named Dave. It would just be a weird name for a 6ft-long iguana. I digress.
Make your own clothes. I saw a guy last month wearing a vest made of Crown Royal Bags. Weird af. But he had a big smile on his face.
Make your own bread. Make your own paper. Make your own compost. Make your own anything.
Don’t be an idiot. Be a smart weirdo. Juggle tennis balls before you graduate to chainsaws. Make sure you can give Dave a good home. But do weird shit.
Buy a tandem bike and ride it around by yourself. I’ll bet you a 1937 three-legged buffalo nickel that you make a new friend to ride with you by the end of the day. While you’re at it, start collecting 1937 three-legged buffalo nickels. Collect anything. Rocks. Stamps. Scorpions. As long as it’s weird. Normal things aren’t worth accumulating anyway.
Give weird compliments. Your partner isn’t just beautiful. She’s so drop-dead gorgeous that you squirted the toothpaste all over the mirror when she stepped out of the shower. Your friend isn’t just cool…he has the body of Adonis, the loyalty of Samwise Gamgee, and a ‘stache that would make Selleck jealous. Don't just say thank you. Say “you are a blistering ray of golden-freakin’-sunshine in human form.”
We’ve gotten lazy when it comes to stopping and smelling the flowers. You should be smelling at least 10* flowers per week. Most will avail themselves of a chest-high rose conveniently hanging over the sidewalk. But you? You get down on your hands and knees and suck in the wildflower scents like a goddamn Hoover. You do weird sniffs, and you appreciate it a thousand percent more.
(*I just made this number up.)
You were born weird. You are sentient stardust. Your mere existence is an absurdity. But somewhere along the way, someone told you that you were too short or too tall or too skinny or too fat or too dark or too light or too queer, that you couldn’t dance and you sing off key, or that you had to put away superfluous childish things in order to do the responsible business of being an adult. You conformed so you could survive in a world that doesn’t value your individuality unless it can profit from it. But your weirdness was never destroyed, it simply lies dormant. And everyday you deny it is a day you can’t get back.
The suppression of weirdness sometimes shows up as “symptoms.” We call one of them “anhedonia,” the inability to feel pleasure. In some cases, I wonder if anhedonia is really about the person, or if they just don’t like the things they’ve been told they’re supposed to like. A proper medical/mental health evaluation is always appropriate, but an exploration of weirdness is certainly in order. Medication might be indicated, imagination assuredly so.
Hypo-weirdemia* is not limited to depression. It shows up as existential anxiety: “Am I doing enough with the time I’ve got?” It shows up as “addiction”: medicating to cope with the deadness that weirdness would invigorate, or because weirdness can seemingly only be accessed in an intoxicated state. It shows up as identity disruption: “my particular weirdness was snuffed out early on and now I don’t know who I am anymore.” It shows up as shame, collapse, self-criticism, and self-hatred.
(*Not a real medical term)
Weirdness is part of the antidote. Probably not the only part. It is probably not sufficient, but it is definitely necessary.
Do weird shit. Write weird songs. Write ‘em for your friends. I’ve got 4 in my catalog. They’re 4 of my favorites! One of my friends has passed and won’t get to hear his song. Or maybe he will. Weirder things have happened.
Get weird help. Have an idea that’s “out there?” Find a mentor that’s out there even further. Be wary of friends that shame you for coloring outside the lines. If you’re in therapy, don’t confuse “reducing your symptoms” with “reducing your shimmer.”
Have weird relationships. The weirdness is what makes your connections unique. It is what makes them irreplaceable. As Dr. Sean Maguire says, “we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds.” Choose wisely, then make it weird.
Combine normal things to make weird things. Eat a burger on a donut bun. Run a beer mile (just make sure you get a ride home!) Play harmonica while surfing. Play a harmonica while you do everything. Can’t play harmonica? Yes you fucking can. But if you really can’t, get a kazoo.
Learn Italian or French or Arabic. Learn so you can be weird in two languages. Learn any language. German is super weird. Duolingo if you must, but better to have a native tutor. What’s normal in one culture might be weird in yours. Absorb the cross-cultural weirdness. Allons-y!
Wear weird shit. Have you met my friend who dances in sequined shawls? His joy is infectious. So is his comfort in his own skin. You deserve sequined-shawl levels of skin-comfort. Dress in costume at every opportunity. Even better if it involves a festival or a parade. Humans were not meant to go multiple months without a celebration. I’m not sure we're meant to go multiple minutes. Celebrate weird things. Thanksgiving is great but throw a birthday party for your dog, or cat, or 6ft iguana. Happy Birthday, Dave. Host weird shit. We need more adult events with slip-n-slides and ball pits.
Every act of weirdness is an affront to normalcy, which is important because there’s a lot of shitty things we’ve normalized. Sexism, racism, hatred, violence. Be strangely empathetic where others are judgmental. Be eccentrically inclusive where others exclude. Be weirdly antiopressive until it’s no longer weird. Your weirdness has cosmic implications.
Maybe your weird thing isn’t on this weird list. I hope it’s not. I hope it’s weirder than anything I could come up with. Do your weird thing and then honor the weirdness in others. Our weirdness may look different but it is the same energy. It is vibrant and expressive and life-giving. It is necessary now more than ever.
Stay weird!
Hayden
