COUNSELING FOR MEN

For many of us, the truth of our masculine upbringings is that self-medicating behaviors like drinking and drug use are normalized and even encouraged. Even more “socially acceptable” forms of self-medication like excessive “workaholism” can be destructive to health and relationships.

If you have a self-medicating habit that is creating significant disruptions in your life, now may be the time to get a handle on it. I can help you clarify your values and determine where, if at all, these activities have a place in your life.

I find that men often shy away from therapy for fear of being labeled or judged. Please note that my approach to self-medication, substance use/abuse, and “addictions” is a collaborative one. I can help you take an honest look at your behavior without judging you, and I will never label you. I am here to help you name your problems and work through them in service of your overall wellbeing. I am not here to shame or punish you.

Men are often conditioned to “act out” their emotions. The result is that vulnerable and complex feelings of pain, sadness, fear, grief, and shame are transmuted into anger. Many of us need help tuning in and tending to these more tender feelings in ways that get our needs met without doing damage to our most important relationships. Whether you have the occasional-but-explosive outburst or have been described as an “angry man” by loved ones, I can help you get a grip on your emotional life.

Our masculine upbringings often emphasize performance and achievement at the expense of vulnerability and connection. Many men do not learn how to cultivate exceptional friendships and intimate relationships, if they learn to value relationships at all! It is not uncommon for a man to wake up one day and realize he is exceptionally lonely having neglected this important area of his life.

Men no longer need to exist in the shame and isolation that is ultimately killing us. I am here to support you in cultivating relationships of significant depth and building a lifestyle that includes and prizes connection.

Many of us learn early on that masculine power is destructive. We may see the damage carried out by “strong” men in our lives and unconsciously suppress our own power to ward off shame and guilt. We keep ourselves weak and small thus “protecting” those around us but also robbing the world of our unique contribution.

I believe your maleness is a gift. And your masculinity, however you come to define it, is also a gift. If you feel scared, stuck, or just struggling to “make things happen,” I can help you access and express more healthy, mature masculine energy.

A mentor of mine once described a mid-life crisis as “the day a man wakes up and realizes he is scared of everything.” While I believe everyone’s experiences are unique, these words have certainly rang true in my own life!

Several cultural and social shifts, particularly around work and relationships, are thrusting men into crises earlier in life. I frequently work with men in their 20s and 30s who are experiencing a self-described “crisis.”

Crises can take many forms. They can follow big events like a job loss or divorce. Or they can creep in slowly only to culminate with the sudden exclamation “I can’t do this anymore!” In reality, my best guess is that most of us will experience 3-5 major life transitions.

I believe crises, while painful, can also be transformative with the right support. If you find yourself in the midst of a crisis or major life transition, I am here to see you through to the other side.

Many men are conditioned to associate their value with what they do and how much they make. While I believe your work is an important aspect of your life, I also believe that too many of us over-identify with our careers. Loss of a job or income, stressful enough as it is, is often accompanied by shame and identity crises. If you’re in the midst of a job transition, I can help.

It’s an often-cited statistic that men are much less likely than women to seek help, whether from a medical or mental health professional. This tendency is no doubt compounded when it comes to sensitive topics like sexual function. As a sexual health professional, I am uniquely situated to non-judgmentally and compassionately support men dealing with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, low sexual desire, body image issues, sex and aging, performance anxiety, & more. See Sex Therapy for more information.