RELATIONSHIP REPAIR

Nothing throws a couple into crisis quite like an affair, but an infidelity can also sound the alarm, snapping bother partners to attention. Research shows that as many as 2/3rds of couples survive an infidelity. I have personally worked with many couples who have not only navigated the crisis, but transformed their relationship into something way more fulfilling. Whether you’re still reeling and need some guidance, or you’re ready to re-envision your relationship post-affair, I am here to support you every step of the way.

I often think of drugs and alcohol as “thirds” that a couple must learn to manage together. I never moralize the use of substances, but if one person consistently turns towards a drink or a drug over their partner, trust is bound to be eroded even if the use falls short of full-blown “addiction.”

At more extreme ends, substance abuse can involve dishonesty, aggression, DWI’s, legal and financial troubles, and other consequences that shake trust at a foundational level. Mistrust can persist long after a partner has gotten sober or reduced the offending behavior. In fact, it’s not uncommon for those who feel abandoned by their partners’ substance use to feel equally abandoned by their recovery efforts!

Substance use is a complex phenomenon that deserves empathy, understanding, and a personalized approach that aligns with the individual and couple’s goals. Unfortunately, persons seeking help are often stigmatized and met with simplistic labels (“addict or not”). I have experience supporting individuals and couples using a variety of approaches including and beyond traditional 12 Step treatments. If your relationship has been affected by drug or alcohol use, I am here to help you and your partner build a plan that works for you.

Unlike many other, “-aholisms,” workaholism is socially accepted and even encouraged. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t disrupt a relationship. If you or your partner’s workload is impacting your connection, I am here to help you manage both of these important aspects of life. I can help you

-Renegotiate boundaries around work

-Effectively manage conflict about work and family

-Clarify priorities and goals

-Establish rituals of connection and carve out more couple time

-Improve quality of couple interactions

-Manage work stress that may be impacting relationship

Difficulties reaching orgasm, whether with a partner or alone, are a common reason for seeking sex therapy. The reasons are often multifaceted, involving physical, mental, emotional, and/or relationship factors. Together, we can sift through these pieces and emphasize the aspects of sexuality that are pleasurable to you while addressing those that are proving troublesome. Whether you’re desiring some new techniques, wanting to build sexual confidence, or needing to work through a difficult relationship dynamic, I can help you re-center pleasure as a focal point of your intimate life.

Relationships can be thrust into crisis by an explicit event, but they can also quietly slip into disrepair through neglect. In fact, research shows time and again that the number one reason for divorce is not infidelity, but emotional distance.

Many of us lack the tools to build the kinds of relationships we truly crave. We expect good connections to just “happen” and then are surprised when they don’t! Fortunately, we can develop the vision and the skills to cultivate emotional closeness. If your relationship has slipped into emotional distance (even, and perhaps especially, if only one partner thinks so), recognize how serious this situation is, and recognize that there is help available to you.

Often, partners erode one another’s trust in unintentional but extremely damaging ways. Some common unintentional betrayals include:

-Lying, whether straightforward deceit or lying to avoid conflict

-A non-sexual affair

-Conditional commitment

-Withdrawal of sexual interest

-Breaking promises

-Coldness or indifference

-Forming a coalition against a partner

-Unfairness around finances or housework

It’s easy to fall into the trap that a lack of malice ought to make the event less damaging. After all, no one wants to be the Bad Guy. But it’s important to realize just how destructive these incidents can be. The injury is often compounded when it is met with dismissiveness. If you or your partner have been on the receiving end of an unintentional betrayal, it’s time to get help!