BREAKUP & DIVORCE COUNSELING

Whether you have made the decision to walk away from a relationship, or you are on the receiving end of some unwanted news, you are likely to feel a mix of intense emotions. Many clients report unique combinations of anger, shock, sadness, despair, guilt, lust, shame, grief, numbness, confusion, self-loathing, fear, uncertainty, and more. I can help you sort through these difficult feelings to regain clarity and peace of mind.

Unfortunately, breakups and divorces are established predictors of suicide attempts. The combination of intense emotional pain, loss of social support, uncertainty, financial strain, and stress understandably leads many people to a dark place inside themselves. Romantic notions of “not being able to live without you” might further inflame this already challenging transition. No one should have to navigate this time alone.

As a culture, I believe our relationship with relationships is broken, and our relationship with breakups is even more so. You deserve a soft place to land in the midst of your divorce or breakup, a kind of “heart hospital” (and not the kind that does stents!) If you’re struggling with intense sadness, grief, despair, depression, and even suicidal thoughts, I am here to support you on your road to acceptance and peace.

Note: If you are actively suicidal, please call 911 or proceed to the nearest emergency room.

Separating, particularly if you have been together for a long time, often creates significant disruptions in social support systems. Friends sometimes feel compelled to “choose sides” and you may not feel as comfortable in social situations as you did when you were partnered.

In other cases, a person may exit a relationship only to realize that their partner made up the bulk of their social contact. You may find yourself needing to build a support system more or less from scratch.

Whatever the particulars of your case, I am here to provide a base for you to navigate the complexities of a post-breakup social world.

Many clients tell me that they cannot stop thinking about their ex. In some ways, this is to be expected. After all, you have lost an important person in your life, and I want to honor and support this as a normal part of grief.

At the same time, persistent and intrusive thoughts about an ex can be quite debilitating. They can be accompanied by other distressing thoughts including self-ridicule, self-blame, and questions of self-worth.

Therapy can help strike a balance between honoring an important other and grieving so that you can progress in your life in a meaningful way.

It’s not uncommon for relationships to end with an infidelity or other significant betrayal. Sometimes the break up is the result of a betrayal, while other times a person may use it as an “exit strategy” from an already ailing relationship. In any case, betrayals big and small, intentional or not, are likely to create immense suffering for both parties.

If you have been on the receiving end of a betrayal in the midst of a break up, I am here to help you find your footing and regain a sense of peace. If you find yourself on the perpetrating side of a betrayal, I am here to non-judgmentally support you as you re-define your values.

Breakups and divorces can create significant disruptions in our sense of identity and our self-esteem. We may internalize cultural views that people in relationships are somehow “better” and struggle with the transition of identifying as “partnered” to identifying as “single.” What’s more, ailing relationships are often themselves damaging to self-esteem. Few of us learn how to exit relationships gracefully, and unfortunately much damage is often done on the way out.

If you’re struggling with feelings of low self-worth in the wake of a breakup, I am here to help you recover (or discover!) a renewed sense of self-love. I am also here to help you redefine your own set of values and goals as you begin a new chapter of life.

The end of a relationship that involves cohabitating, shared finances, shared possessions, children, and/or shared social groups demands a significant amount of disentangling. There may be conflicts around who moves out, who lives where, who gets what, and more. These conflicts can compound an already stressful transition involving fear, anger, and uncertainty. If you’re in the midst of disentangling, I can help support you while encouraging more constructive forms of communication.

Breakups are often accompanied by questions regarding sex and sexuality. You may be wondering when it is “appropriate” to be sexual with another person again. You may have intense feelings of lust and yearning for your previous partner. You may have even have feelings about your own sexuality. Some clients report feeling “used up” or “discarded.” This is especially true in cases where the relationship that has ended is the first sexual relationship.

First of all, I am here to tell you that you are a human being and you deserve sex and pleasure! The end of a relationship has no bearing on your worth as a person or your value as a sexual and intimate partner. The sexual aspect of your relationship will have to be grieved alongside other aspects of your relationship, but I am here to support you in rediscovering and exploring yourself as a sexual being anew.