What is Internal Family Systems?
Are you curious about Internal Family Systems therapy? I’ve written a brief introduction to help you determine if this modality might be right for you. Read on to learn more!
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
One of the kinds of therapy I use is called Internal Family Systems (IFS). A central tenet of IFS is that we are all composed of sub-personalities known in IFS as parts. It is normal and healthy to have parts, and although the functioning of particular parts can be impacted by adverse experiences, the presence of parts themselves is treated as a natural aspect of our shared human condition.
Our parts don’t exist in a vacuum; rather, they interact inside us much like a family does around us. In fact, Internal Family Systems got its name after observing that many of the same approaches that are effective in family therapy can also be applied to our inner worlds. Our parts relate to one another in various ways.
You know this if you’ve ever experienced an internal conflict, a tug-of-war between two different parts of you. As Walt Whitman said: “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. (I am large, I contain multitudes.)” According to IFS, the individual is not a monolith, but a system, and the way our parts interact, both within ourselves and with our environment (i.e. other peoples’ parts) largely dictates our overall wellbeing.
In IFS, we focus primarily on two types of parts: vulnerable parts and protective parts.
Our vulnerable parts hold painful emotional states like terror, grief, despair, abandonment, and shame. They also hold negative (and untrue!) trauma-based beliefs about ourselves: “I am unloveable.” “I am worthless.” Vulnerable parts are also called “exiles” because they are often locked away deep inside of us, like a child in a basement.
Our protective parts develop in response to this emotional pain. Their job is to keep these vulnerable parts from being activated, to guard the door and to protect us from being flooded by the pain these parts hold.
Protective parts can be further divided into two groups: managers and firefighters.
Managers operate preemptively. They look to the future and try to keep vulnerable parts at bay. Two popular managers in our performance-based culture are the “success protector” and the “power broker protector.” These parts want us to be successful, rich, admired, powerful, and dominant. They are well-intended, and often lead to much success in the external world, but their efforts to conceal vulnerability at all costs often leave us feeling disconnected, empty, and worthless. We need a way to reap the rewards of their passion and drive without punishing ourselves internally. Other examples of managers include workaholic parts, harsh inner critics, and mood-altering protectors like compulsive drinking parts.
In contrast to managers, firefighters operate reactively. Their only concern is medicating or escaping emotional pain when it arises, and they will do so with no regard for the consequences. (The real-world responders putting out a house fire don’t typically concern themselves with the damage the water causes!) Common firefighters include rage, binge drinking/drugging, and suicidal parts. The consequences of managerial actions can be quite subtle and chronic, mounting over time, while the consequences of firefighter actions can be quite swift and severe. The actions of firefighters often lead us to seek professional help!
If you’re interested in IFS therapy, it’s likely that you have endured some amount of emotional pain, both in the distant and recent past. I also suspect that you have a tremendous amount of resilience, and we have your protective parts to thank for that. However, those same parts that have allowed you to survive, and in some ways thrive, might also be causing some problems for you.
My goal in working with you would be to provide a safe and supportive container where we can compassionately meet and unburden these exiled, vulnerable parts. My experience is that when we witness these parts with love and kindness, they begin to feel safe. The child can come out of the basement, and as the vulnerable parts feel less raw, the protective parts can relax into new roles. The firefighters no longer have to perform their extreme functions, and the managers can accept “new positions” that provide similar benefits without the detriments. It is truly liberating to realize that the goal of therapy is not to get rid of difficult parts, but rather to help them relax.
There is one more important concept in IFS I’ll mention by way of introduction, and that is the idea of Self. Self, simply put, is the “part of you that’s not a part.” You’ll hear me refer to my Self as “Hayden with a capital H.” I’ll refer to your Self as “Your Name with a capital Y!”
Self is characterized by a lot of “C words.” Self is creative, courageous, compassionate, curious, calm, and connected. How might your life improve if you could access more of these qualities? From my view, they already exist within you, they have simply been covered up by adverse experiences. In IFS therapy, we help you to connect more with “Self energy.” I also consider Self to be the curative agent.
It’s interesting to note that all manner of cultures and spiritual traditions refer to Self in their own language. Christians talk of “Christ Consciousness.” Our Buddhist friends speak of “enlightenment,” “Buddha mind,” or the “bodhicitta,” “the noble or awakened heart.” Our Jewish brethren speak of becoming a “mensch,” full of integrity and honor. Islam gifted the concept of “hikmah,” wisdom and goodness. Indeed, when we access Self, it is often described as having a spiritual quality.
You certainly don’t need to wrap your head around all of that right now, but I hope that provides a solid introduction! As far as what progress would look like, my initial goals for you in IFS therapy might include:
increase feelings of self-love and self-compassion
reduce emotional reactivity
decrease feelings of shame and self-criticism
provide outlet for healthy expression of anger
minimize destructive effects of firefighters in client’s relationship
build clients’ support system and increase feelings of connectedness
My love for IFS boils down to a few things. First, it is a very gentle form of therapy. Because we proceed at the pace of the protective parts, there is very little pressure. Most of my clients describe a tolerable amount of discomfort, if they feel any at all, that gives way to feelings of curiosity, playfulness, and self-compassion.
Second, IFS is not just a form of therapy, but a way of relating to ourselves. IFS therapy often involves some “archaeology;” that is, delving into the past. But this is only done in service of understanding and unburdening. The primary focus of IFS is the dynamics between parts in the here-and-now. Once you learn some basics, you can begin developing a whole new kind of relationship with your various parts, and because we focus on internal dynamics, observable change can happen quite rapidly.
Finally, although I practice IFS in a way that is firmly rooted in the heart and guided by the innate wisdom of my clients, it also happens to be highly scientific! A growing body of research has established IFS as an evidenced-based practice for treating PTSD, depression, anxiety, addiction, and more.
If you’d like to learn more about how IFS might apply to your particular situation, please don’t hesitate to reach out or book a free consult!
With kindness and compassion,
Hayden
